When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I love you. Go after that dick
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
