Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I skipped work to stalk him.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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