my soul wont recognize me after tonight
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
