Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
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