Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
