there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
