We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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