Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Dicks are not precious.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Randomize