the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize