I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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