We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
