sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Be still, my beating vagina.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
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