i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
