I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
