It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
