the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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