honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
