I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Randomize
