hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize