I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
