Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize
