was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
