So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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