it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
