got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
