It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Mom said you looked used
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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