Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
This show inspires me to have sex in space
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize
