Your favorite bartender is back from prision
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
