I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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