You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
