hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
