fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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