Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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