Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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