Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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