Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
