I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
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