So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
