I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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