ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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