There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
high people should be assigned attendants
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Randomize
