I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
