Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize