I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I just blew my weed a kiss
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Randomize
