After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
