I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Randomize
