Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
