dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
