Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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