Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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