Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
