i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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