the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
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