I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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