using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
