I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
