I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
