i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
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