We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
