The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Randomize
