I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
