HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
