My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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