If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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