dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
