My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
