hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
