I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
