Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
How does one acquire holy water?
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Randomize
