Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
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